Chona Malinog“Masyado kang maganda para sa kaniya.”
I confided to my friends about a crush when one of them quipped those words. And she was serious. There was no sign she was kidding. She was clearly telling me this guy was in no way matched to my beauty.
For her, he could probably be the Rene Requiestas to my Kris Aquino. The beast to my beauty. The Empoy to my Alex.
Alright, that’s an exageration.
He looked so devastatingly appealing to me.
Poor he, or maybe, lucky he, he doesn’t know I got a crush on him. (Shhh!)
Ever felt weird as to why or how in the world have you got smitten to someone–when right after the infatuation phase you go: where has my mind gone? Maybe it had gone on vacation somewhere. It left my heart getting chaotically in over my head.
And the feelings, darn the feelings! They did not in anyway serve you good. They create mini heart attacks when he is near. They make you lazy for thinking about him all day. They make you appear fake when you had to act you’re okay when he talks to you—when in fact you just had to pretend you’re doing nice because you had to look like you’re his ‘casual’ friend.
And you seem to be perfecting the art of composure. But at the end you appear so stiff and rigid and dying in the inside. Can you relate? But I’m gonna tell you something. One night, I just cried out to God. There was no way I could handle it anymore. That’s a side effect of being a girl maybe. You, being helpless for having feelings for a guy who couldn’t have the same feelings for you.
Zia Quizon’s “Ako nalang sana. Tayo nalang dalawa…” is playing.
!!!!!!!!!
So I cried out to God. Not because I wanted to ask Him for this guy. But because I just wanted to pour out these darn feeelingggs.
I figured venting on Facebook won’t help. Even telling it to friends still won’t. Only God can do something out of this. I know.
So how did my prayer—or shall I say venting looked like? A lot of crying. Hey. I always cry to God. Not just in the sad times but most especially in the happy times. But this time it is definitely for the sad, not to mention, heartbreaking reason.
I told God why I liked this guy. I told him why he is cute (for me.) I told him why I found him amazing. I told God everything I felt. Everything. And then I kept quiet, but not without bawling my eyes out. And behold, in that still silence, I felt Him saying:
“Chona. Don’t fall in love, but walk in love.”
???????
What exactly did He mean by that? He told me something that blew me away.
And it is this…
“More than being a crush or a potential mate, the very first thing that you have to do in dealing with your opposite sex is to see them as your brothers in Christ. Don’t fall in love but walk in love. How do you do that? You walk in love when you honor them and their own happiness and joys–even when you’re not included in the list. And this is especially true with the person you are attracted with. You walk in love by honoring their preferences, and it may include the person that he likes. You walk in love by honoring and respecting and accepting that person as your sister in Christ. You can only experience true love when you walk in love…”
I was awed by the wisdom I heard. And as if it was not enough, God continued saying…
“And also, know that you will always find your life when you lose it.”
How does it go, God?
“It’s like, you have to exhale so that you can inhale. You release the air you breathe so that you can receive again. What l’m saying is, you must not hold tightly to that person, as it will only grip your breath… let go, and let your broken heart be buried, so that just like a tiny seed, it will flourish and live…”
And just like that. I was left undone. Gone would be the mini heart attacks and pretending normal and all the stuff I’d usually feel when he is around.
I learned to let go and see and treat him as a brother in Christ, more than being a crush—just as Jesus taught me so.
Oh, the freedom I felt! I literally inhaled the air and exhaled it so liberally.
Sometimes the miracle of God happens in our hearts.
If you have been having the same struggle, give those helpless feelings to God. And surely He can do something about it.
Someday, you will be with someone who is worth your pretty and your affection and your care.
For now, don’t fall in love—but walk in love—because that is how you can truly experience true love.
