Chona MalinogI can see the strands of raindrops falling outside. The front lights of cars illuminate them. At first they only come in gentle manner. But as time passes by, they appear to be fiercer—bringing all other strands of raindrops from the sky and helplessly soaking the pavement.
And I remember you. Oh, handsome, don‘t think that you look like the rain. Surely you look more attractive than the showers. It‘s not you. It‘s the way I fell in love with you in the same manner the rainfall drips to the ground. At first, my feelings only innocently ‘fell‘ in a rather innocent fashion, but time after time, they poured and poured until they‘d become out of control. Oh, sky, I can‘t tell you how to stop the rain from falling—just the same way that I can‘t tell my heart how to cease from beating for him. I just hope that, just like the pavement that so willingly arrested the pouring of rain, he will also catch my heart that‘s dangerously dropping for him.
That’s my cheesy (and embarassing 🙃) Facebook post. Realizing that it might trigger curiosity to friends, I made a another post, a disclaimer one at that, that what I posted was just flash fiction, and that I was just lying.
Of course Jesus was quick enough to make a gentle correction (read: rebuke) So on my journal that night i wrote:
February 11, 2017, 12-something pm
Hey Jesus.
I must say I’m sorry. I said to my Facebook post that what I shared about me falling dangerously for someone was just a lie and that my imagination only led my emotions to write those words.
But I think I kind of like heard you telling me “who do you think you’re fooling?
And then our conversation went like this:
Jesus: What comes first, the chicken or the egg?
Me: I don’t know. It’s a tricky question.
Jesus: You said it’s your imagination that triggered you to write those words. Don’t you think it could also be the reverse?
Me: What do you mean?
Jesus: Well, you can’t weave those words with so much intensity if they don’t spring up from intensified emotions. You know that. But you also have to know that you should be careful with your imaginations because they can also deceive your emotional system. So what comes first? the chicken or the egg? It could be either way.
Me: So in my case, what came first? My emotions or my imaginations?
Jesus: I want you to know the answer, but I am for certain that you already know it.
***Okay. It admit that at the time, I was feeling strongly for someone, and I wanted to just get if off my chest so, hence the FB post. But I also never wanted to make it obvious so I readily made a followup post—stating that it was just a flash fiction writing practice—but was actually a coverup and down right defensive.
And then Jesus had to deal it with me. Basically He was teaching me to guard my heart as everything flows from it…
And that the heart is deceitful above all things so I must surrender its affections to my Heart Keeper who tends and cultivates it with all truth and purity.
When our thoughts are not pure, we tend to resort to unhealthy and vain imaginations.
Our imaginations are a gift from Heaven but they are still to be subjected to the Holy Spirit.
When you see it at the onset, there’s really nothing wrong with my “creative” post. It really was a great exercise for my writing prowess. At the surface it was just free speech. But I only see in part. Jesus saw the vanity in it. He knew that it could lead me to more helpless feelings–what the world says being hopelessly in love. And I have been guilty of that.
Who has not? Especially… girls?
We all experienced first crushes and first loves.
That feeling when you thought your fairy tale has arrived…
The magic.
The rush.
The kilig.
It felt soo otherworldy. You are stuck in a fantasy…
Until you stumbled upon the reality that… Well, he is not the one you thought he could be.
Ouch.
Heartbreak is realll.
Sometimes we are in love just for the idea of being in love (Joshua Harris).
And sometimes, we are not really in love with the person, we are in love with the image of that person projected in our imaginations.
So Jesus was actually training me to judge my emotions and tend the garden of my heart with utmost discipline.
And it comes in both ways.
1. Guard my imaginations by holding every thought captive (2 Cor 10:5). Is this thought from you God? Is this imagination aligned with your will?
2. Ask God to purify my emotions by creating in me a pure heart (Psalms 51:10).
So what comes first the chicken (emotions) or the egg (your imaginations).It could be either way.
“What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.”Mark 7:20-23 | NIV
