Be Thankful for the Process in the Waiting

It’s been awhile, really long while, since I took a microphone and sang with a worship team in the church. And in the waiting times, God has been teaching me the value of worshipping Him in the secret place. It is in those times that I would (and still) learn to behold His presence and fall in love more and more with my savior, Jesus Christ, and sing and cry and smile and be overwhelmed by His love. I love being alone with God. But one day He told me it’s time to be out in the open.

And though it excites me to see myself on stage and lead worship—imagining myself like Steffany Gretzinger or Amanda Cook or Kari Jobe, among others of my fave worship artists—having spent years just being crazy alone in my room and singing and dancing and being indignified before God, the thought of actually leading worship in front of the crowd made me feel uncomfortable.

I have had the tendency of pleasing the crowd, having been part in a dance troupe in school before.

I could say, I love performing on stage.

But we know worship leading takes a different standard.

There’s a difference between being a performer and being a worshipper. The former can be a talent, but the latter, a gift.

And having known Jesus for quite awhile since my fateful encounter with Him in 2013, my desire has become that I wanted to be like Him and just worship Him in purity of authenticity.

And so the years of waiting taught me to exercise having the audience of One, who is God. We might think it’s easy but it’s not. It doesn’t take only a mindset change but a heart change. It takes a consistent fellowship with the Holy Spirit and a constant surrender of self and performance before the Lord. And this wouldn’t just take a linear process, it’s a daily messy journey… At least for me.
Taking the word of God, I auditioned for the worship team last year, and I waited for my official membership.

The waiting did not disappoint me, but rather it made me revere the worship team all the more because that means, it is that strict and high standards for them to just accept auditionees easily. It isn’t enough that you’ve got good voice or musical acuity. And also, you’ve got to learn to wait for your season and celebrate God in between the waiting and the fulfillment of the promise.

Fast forward, last week, I got a request from one of the worship and ministry leaders in the church (ate Karen Rey) if I could help in the worship leading during the Youth and Young Adults’ event on Saturday.

I accepted the request, but actually, it was not a mere request. It was God nudging me to step out and use His gift for the public to hear.

I was nervous on the day of the event and I was thinking, “God, I could just actually worship you in my room.” I had to wrestle with insecurities as well because I think I am not that good enough and that I have yet to work on my second voice and all that.

I was a bit more mindful for having a performance mindset, rather than just giving it all to the Lord.

Audience of One, huh?

“Am I ready for this?”

Sometimes, part of the process is to conquer our inhibitions and just take a leap of faith when God says “go!”

And just like that, leap I did. I found myself in there, giving all the insecurities and even the doubts and inhibitions.

I don’t know how it actually looked like. But should I care? One thing I learned “God is in the process.”

I am not yet officially part of the worship team, though, but last Saturday’s stint was a reminder that God knows, more than we do, when we are already prepared.

Sometimes we might think we are ready but actually our heart and character still need some time of incubation. If we are not careful, pride can get in the way and the gift and the promise will destroy us, instead of bless us.

On the othen end, at times, we might think we are NOT ready but the Lord will challenge our false humilities and let our insecurities bow down to the altar of grace and let Him do the rest anyway.

We must be thankful for the process which God uses to mold not just our talent but especially our character, so that when it’s time for us to step into the promised land, we will learn to embrace His gifts and plans in a way that is not only pleasing to Him but also good for us.