I wrote a letter to God and then this happened

I found a letter I wrote to Jesus sometime in 2014, and it reads…

…forgive me for my grievances against you and against the life you’ve given me. I feel so bored right now. I feel a bit empty. I realize it’s because l’ve been burying the talents you’ve given me…

I know I can sing. I can dance. But the thing is, I’ve been afraid, and that’s the reason as to why I could not, in anyway, move forward to the dreams you have placed in my heart….

I need you right now and forevermore. You alone can satisfy, Lord. Give me the boldness to step forward and dance through your kingdom, or sing with the praises of my mouth that will glorify you Father.

You care for them more than I do.

I want to surrender into your hands all the worries of life and the cares that burden me.

I also offer to you my heart’s desires–the dream to sing and dance and exhaust all my talents as long as I live… Please sanctify them.

That’s my commitment to you in this season if harvest.

I am afraid that I have just sown so little of my talents that I might just also harvest a little. All because I’ve been cultivating fear.

But Lord, I believe that your blessings are not dependent upon my ability to sow, but in your ability to give…

I don’t deserve to be saved because of my sins, let alone make me harvest more than what I have sown; nevertheless, I come before you to bless me.

I want to feel the incredible contentment of having you, only then will I be standing firm in whatever situation.

Please help me see the goodness of my life.

Help me see that I am blessed not—because I am better than the others—but because I am simply your daughter, your child, and that you are my Father who owns everything.

Open the doors for me, Father, and as I knock, please also take away my fears so that I can enter the gates of praise that will glorify you.

I want to continually walk with you.

Thank you Lord, and right now, I am opening my heart to receive your blessings.

This is my prayer in Jesus’ name, amen.

That was years ago when I felt utterly lost and I believe depressed with the so called “life.” I did not know what in heaven was I doing on earth. My self esteem was in rock bottom. I was underperforming at work, I could not stay in a job for more than six months. I felt I was the dumbest creature ever lived. I know that might sound an exaggeration, but that was what I felt, at least, in those moments. I dread I was hailed cum laude in college. I felt I did not deserve that award. I was ashamed to even claim it.

The world of work was totally strange for me. I did not know where to align myself.  But I knew what were my passions. Dancing was and still is “life.” I could sing, but I had not discovered my ” real voice” just yet. Writing was my life saver, hence that letter I wrote for God.

I knew I could do it but fear got in the way.

The great thing about it is that it was a year after I encountered the love of Jesus, so there was hope sneaking in the corner.  I knew right in my core, I could break through the gloom I was feeling.

Reading that letter right now, it dawned on me that God was right with me for all those moments after all.

Little by little, unbeknownst to me, he indeed led me to the open doors.

I found a job that fits my passion as a lover of words. I was (and am still) employed in one of the best publishing firms in the country. I asked for warm-hearted co-employees and bossess…

Well, guess what I got?  I got cold-blooded coworkers whose mood and body temperture are dependent on the airidity of the air condition unit. I kid! But my colleagues are beyond what I had prayed for. I am surrounded with mentally and emotionally intelligent yet humble people in the workplace. Most, if not all, are creative geniuses whose passions exude in visual arts, music, language, and performing arts! Being with them is utterly humbling and inspiring at the same time.

My fears were fleshed out, too. Gradually, I developed self confidence in singing once again. God made me able not just to sing but to write a song and be included in an album as well.

And… of course, I found my way back into the dance floor.

And I realized that the reason why He had to save me is not despite of my sins but because of them.

As a bonus, I found this extreme, fascinating joy inside my heart. Gone is the spirit of depression I once had. And I believe it is not coming back because I got the ever increasing portions of God’s love.

And as I deepen my intimacy Him, it also dawns on me that my fulfilment and satisfaction are not on my talents or any external rewards, feats, or other’s recognition. They are dependent on Him alone. It’s not about arriving at my destiny but having His presence along the journey.

I love that I was able to get back to dancing, brave my heart to singing, write on the side, and even explore more of what I can do. I wasn’t like this before when I felt so duh and lost and bored to life. It felt utterly depressing to not be me.

How many times did I sing Demi Lovato‘s “This is Me“ while imaginning the “real“ me being out in the open? There‘s my wild, mystic side, and it wants out! Well, the heavens probably heard my cry, as I found myself bursting my bubble, overcoming fear, and doing the things I love. But then, the talents, as I see them now, are not me. They‘re just the extensions of me—so much like accessories. I am not my dance, not my song, not my writeups, or anything I wear or do or say. I am what God says I am. And I am simply His daughter. Without these talents, I remain as I am—as God‘s. Talents are gifts. And just like earthly gifts, we carefully use and wrap and put them aside after using. And every night, that‘s what I’ll do with these gifts. And I’ll be bare facing my Creator in prayer.

Well, how may I end this message? I don’t know about you, dear reader. But maybe you feel lost and utterly sad, too. I want you to know that you’ll get through. I know it might sound cliche but trust me, you will. There is no other way for you, but to get out of that tunnel and see the striking light of hope and joy in the end.

Why won’t you write to God and pour out your heart to him as well? You will be surprised how He works in your life.

I speak life to you, the dreams in your heart, and your relationship with God!